why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
