I smell stomach acid.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
