I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
