having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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