She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize