Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
