Did I show you my penis last night?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
