Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
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I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
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You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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