I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
