is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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