My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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