Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
