Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
