It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
