Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
