hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
