Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
