i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
