The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
