I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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