If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
