Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
