I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
