I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
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You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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