Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
