I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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