I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
