his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
