I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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