"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
