The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
