it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
