guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
