I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
