:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
