Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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