took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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