where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
