smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
