on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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