TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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