it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
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i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
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I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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