I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
