you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
