Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
