How'd it feel making her break her religion?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
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She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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