She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
