Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
