he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
