yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
