so explain again why im purple
no
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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