he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
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