my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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