i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
