we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
