I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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