That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
