Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
