Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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