this beer tastes like vomit already
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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