I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
