dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
