i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So apparently I’m into choking now
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
