A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
