If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
