sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
