3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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