i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
