Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
That was before I lit my hair on fire
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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