Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
