I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
