nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
