so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
