I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
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We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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