I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
