Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
