Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
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Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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