This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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