this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
