It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
